This is going to sound totally made up, even exaggerated. But it's not, it really happened today. Only. In. Austin.
I finished revising my Ron sketches this morning and went to FedEx/Kinko's to copy and ship them off. I spent about 45 minutes copying, cutting and taping the spreads together, and another almost half an hour standing in the shipping line.
I don't do well with lines; I'm impatient. So picture me waiting in line for 25 minutes behind an elderly lady, with her granddaughter dressed as a ballerina (or possibly Snow White), wearing a day-glow yellow tutu, rolling around on the floor under my legs, kicking me in the ankles.
The lady, I'd say, was 60-ish in age, Caucasian. Her granddaughter was about 6-years-old, and her name was Ellie. I know this because, for twenty solid minutes, while the lady filled out her FedEx slip, she repeatedly said: "Ellie, get off the floor. Stop! Ellie, get off the floor. Stop! Ellie, get off..."
Ellie never got off the floor, and no matter where I moved, she managed to kick me.
When the lady finally finished her transaction, she turned to me, put her hand on my arm, and apologized. "I'm so sorry for being slow," she said. "I've never done this before." The lady was truly embarrassed.
Her apology put out my fire. I relaxed, released the tension built up. "No problem," I said. "Take your time. But maybe I shouldn't have said that because she didn't let go of my my arm. She held on to my bicep and continued to...well, cop a feel. Then suddenly, as if she'd been caught with her hands in the cookie jar, she jerked away.
"You must work out," she said, smiling from wrinkled-up ear to wrinkled-up ear.
"I...um...uh...er...well, yes, I do." I said, adjusting my posture, standing up straight, and pushing my chest out. By the expressions on the faces of others around us, they were just as uncomfortable as I was.
"Very nice," she said, looking at my arm. The FedEx guy motioned for me to step forward, I was next. Well, if the apology and feel-up wasn't enough, the lady reached back out and grabbed my arm again, and then ran her hand across the side of my chest. Shocked and beet-red, I jumped back, almost tripping over Ellie. "I'm going to make my husband start working out," she said. " This just isn't fair." Husband! I thought. She grabbed Ellie's hand and began to walk away.
I smiled at her. My smile was for the apology, nothing else. I tried to pretend like I hadn't noticed what had just happened. She and Ellie lingered behind me, doing who knows what. But I was thankful she didn't help herself to anything else.